wrigley field is MILF paradise
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
