Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
