Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
