hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize