i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
