i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
