if i can run in heels then i can drive
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
