I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize