but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
