i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
