white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
