I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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