Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
