when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize