is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The uberlube is also flammable
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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