i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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