how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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