next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
