They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
