can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
