We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
