On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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