I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
