you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
