make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
