just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
