Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
