John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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