every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
