my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the day after is always just damage control
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
