so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
