I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
