margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
