Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
