dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
