I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
