I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
