Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
