please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
