...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
