who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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