Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
