we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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