I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize