return my video game
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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