I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
