just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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