i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
