This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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