I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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