I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize