So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
