But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
