Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize