if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
