bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
