Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
