He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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