tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
where does the pee come out of this thing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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