I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize