I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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