Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
