I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize