can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
