bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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