Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
