I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
