it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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