There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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