dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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