What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
