i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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